The Heller School for Social Policy and Management, Brandeis UniversityNational Program on Women & Aging
Women & Aging Letter
Excerpt, June 1999Books By, About, and For Mature Women
Volume 4, Number 1
This issue of the Letter looks at the growing women's literature that relates to the later years of life. We have asked four women to read some of the recent additions to that literature and share with readers their reactions to these books.GrandparentingHow-to books about grandparenting? The idea struck me as pretty silly. But then I remembered that my own children felt compelled to read at least a half-dozen how-to books to prepare for parenthood. Perhaps the babies of such well-prepared parents deserve equally well-prepared grandparents.
Eleanor Berman's Grandparenting ABC's: A Beginner's Handbook (Perigee, 1998) has much to recommend it. It is short, well-organized, up-beat, and it has a good index. A brief, encouraging, introductory chapter is followed by a chapter on new developments in the way pregnancies are managed by medical professionals these days. This useful information might forestall the sort of questions that may sound unintentionally critical -- "the doctor is letting you gain how many pounds? Are you sure that's healthy?" or "A midwife? A birthing center? Is that safe?" Getting this information from a book rather than your own (albeit grown-up) child can be reassuring.
The book has good sections on child development in the early years. There is even a section on games to play and songs to sing with your grandbaby. (Perhaps you've forgotten the words to "Eensy Weensy Spider"?) Berman gives advice on preparing your home for visits from grandchildren to make it both safe and entertaining. Grandparents who live a long way from their grandchildren also get some good tips.
Relations between parents and grandparents are discussed, as well as the variety of family patterns that include divorced grandparents, divorced parents, unmarried parents, interracial and interfaith parents. However, these discussions are hasty and superficial, but this book is not looking for trouble. Most of its advice about these different situations boils down to, "Keep an open mind. Be understanding. Be supportive. Stay cool."
Grandparenthood (Routledge, 1998) seems to me a far less useful book. Ruth Westheimer and Steven Kaplan cover much the same ground as the ABC's and aim for greater depth. They add in more historical background, statistics, and survey results. Unfortunately, these "scholarly" sections are unsupported by footnotes or a relevant bibliography (there is not even an index), and they are mixed with Westheimer's personal anecdotes and jokes.
Even more disturbing is that Westheimer repeatedly finds illustrations of the points she is making in the very public world of celebrities and the fictional world of television and movies. Madonna and Jodie Foster are given us as examples of women who have deliberately chosen single motherhood. The movie "Kramer vs. Kramer" is used to illustrate the difficulties a single father faces in raising his child alone, and the Huxtables of the "Cosby Show" illustrate the challenge of becoming step-grandparents. Examples from the real world would have had greater credibility.
Westheimer does make a helpful contribution in her discussion of aging and death. For most young children, grandparents will be their first close contact with old age and death, and it probably behooves conscientious grandparents to consider what sort of lessons we will teach by our example.
Grandmothers: Granddaughters Remember (Syracuse University Press, 1998), is not a how-to book at all. Marguerite Guzman Bouvard presents twenty reminiscences written by granddaughters about their grandmothers. It is a lovely book -- unsentimental, nostalgic, and sometimes very sad. These granddaughters are searching for the real woman behind the grandmotherly facade.
Most of the grandmothers have died by now. Many lived in foreign countries or had strong ethnic backgrounds that seemed strange to their Americanized granddaughters. So there is a theme of separation, of the gulf between the generations.
There is also a theme of closeness, of the special bond that sometimes grows between grandmother and granddaughter. In the reminiscence called "The Day My Grandmother's Eyes Turned to Glass," the bond between the author and her Gran exists at least partly because they are both poets.
In "Bread Pudding," the author is at first afraid of her Gramma, but because her grandmother can understand and tolerate her rebelliousness, she learns independence and what she calls "the important art of subterfuge."
Mary Helen Washington tells in "The Four Lives of Malissa Dalton" of researching the history of her grandmother who was born in Kentucky to parents who had been slaves. She says, "The more I write about Malissa the more I see connections between her life and mine, and I wonder how many women have this same feeling, that they are unlike their mothers, that certain genes skip a generation, then return later, connecting them to their grandmothers in some essential ways."
This book is a reminder of the special role of grandmothers. It would be a particularly rewarding book for women to share.
Reviewed by Molly Winsor Beyer, Lexington, VA.
The Letter contacted a number of well-known women across the country and asked them to share with our readers their favorite books for women. Here are their replies:Barbara Bush, former First Lady, recommends To Light a Penny Candle by Maeve Binchey, "because it's warm and friendly" and It's My Turn by Ruth G. Graham "because she gives us a thousand reasons to enjoy life to the fullest."Chris Evert, professional tennis player, says her favorite books are Prince of Tides by Pat Conroy and Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell.
Nannerl Keohane, president of Duke University and Donna Shalala, Secretary of Health and Human Services, both list Virginia Woolf's A Room of One's Own as their favorite.
Matilda White Riley, eminent sociologist and pioneer in aging, suggests Gender and the Life Course by Alice Rossi.
Pat Schroeder, former U.S. Congresswoman, recommends her own book, 24 Years of House Work...and the Place is Still a Mess, an account of her 24 years in the House of Representatives.
Other books reviewed in this issue:
This is an excerpt only
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